Long, slow walk

I took Paul to a new park on Friday to meet up with friends from church. Turns out the park is pretty nice, with a little zip-line, some quasi-natural features, and really a pretty  good range of activities for kids from toddlers up to probably pre-teens. We had a good time, stayed for about two hours, at which point the gathering started breaking up.

Just as we were getting ready to go Paul decided he wanted a drink of water.

What is it with kids and water? Water comes out and suddenly kids flock together. It's amazing. Within minutes the kids had figured out how to turn the drinking fountain into a water gun and were happily soaking each other.

After a bit Paul, who hates being wet, took off his shirt. At that point I decided it was really truly time to go home (we are in Australia and it was the middle of the day. No need to push up Paul's skin cancer risk, right?). So, I asked one of the other moms to watch him while I took our bag of junk to the car so I'd only have to wrangle Paul instead of wrangling both a recalcitrant kid and a big bag 'o crap.

On my way back I saw this little blonde-headed kid running around in nothing but red underpants. A few seconds later the underpants followed and everyone in the park was left with no question about the circumcision status of my child.

I gathered up Paul's clothes and, trying hard to be stern, pointed him in the direction of the car and sent him off. He sauntered off, a hand on one hip, swinging his other arm like he belonged on a runway.

I probably would have just giggled a little under my breath, but this other group of parents in the park started cat-calling.

"Look at that slow, confident walk!"

"Where'd you get your looks from, your mommy or your daddy?"

Sigh.

Did I mention I had a full bladder?

Yeah, I had to stop. I had to sit down on my heel as if I were still 10 to keep from peeing myself because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't say anything to the other parents, couldn't even look at them because I was cracking up at this excruciatingly Paul moment.

When we finally made it to the car I just tossed his naked butt into his car seat and drove us home.

Sylviaisms

Can giant squid get us? (after watching a Wild Kratt's that featured blue whales and giant squid)

Is this (random organism from a book of ancient life) extinct?

Why is it extinct?

Why did they all die?

I don't want them to die!

Mommy, I don't want to be a carnivore anymore.

Also:

What do frogs eat?

Do they eat worms?

I don't want them to eat worms.

My daddy says...

You know, the primary program has to have that one kid who keeps people awake. In my ward, you know who that kid was?

If you guessed Sylvia, you'd be right.

I should start before we even got to church. My kids hate sleeping, so they were up nice and early and we had lots of time for breakfast. Since this weekend was full of Halloween parties the breakfast discussion centered around Halloween.

Derrick, trickster that he is, told Sylvia, "I think the Holy Ghost is scary."

"Scary?" she leaned forward, eyes wide and attentive.

"Yeah, I mean, he whispers in peoples' ears and tells them what to do."

I rolled my eyes.

We bundled everyone into the car and I drove away, almost early enough to get to church on time. I sat in the back with a friend and shooed Sylvia up to the stage. She's a little clingy sometimes, and this morning didn't want to sit with her class, so she sat with me until after the sacrament. Then, she followed the procession of stragglers like us to her seat and the program began.

The first song was about listening to the Holy Ghost.

As soon as the song was over Sylvia's girlish voice filled the silent chapel, her little voice just loud enough to be heard all the way in the back where I sat, motionless. She said, "My daddy says..."

I covered my face. I knew what was coming.

"My daddy says the Holy Ghost is scary."

I buried my head in my lap, both to hide my red face and muffle my laughter. I needn't have, though--everyone was giggling around me.

That's my kid.

She did a great job. Other than that little incident, she followed the script just as she was supposed to. She was one of the more understandable kids who spoke, which is pretty good for a four-year-old.

Buffy vs. Edward

This is brilliant.

Getting warmer...

But still oh so cold!

Of course, observations of the coldness of our current weather apparently suggest to some people (who I will refrain from linking to out of a desire to not alienate anyone) that global warming must not be real since it's so stinkin' cold outside right now.

Argh.

If you, dear reader, happen to be one of those who think that our current cold weather somehow proves global warming isn't happening, I kindly suggest you either quit reading or strap on your thickest skin.

All done?

Now, then, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!??

I know, you think you're being funny, saying things like, "Thank you global warming for the coldest winter ever," but really, you're just showing your ignorance. First of all, I promise you this isn't the coldest winter ever. And that's just for the years for which we have good records (which is probably only about the past 125 years at best). Oh, and climate is different than weather. Climate is an average. Weather, since it's not an average, can vary over a much wider range than "average." In fact, you expect weather to reach highs and lows that are at times far outside the average. 'Cause that's how averages work.

Has it ever occurred to you, dear misinformed reader, that perhaps it is your expectations that are to blame for your appalling misinterpretation of the current weather? Did you really expect the weather to do some DC shift upward? Even if that were the case, would you really expect that you'd be able to see a 0.6 degree C temperature shift? Really? REEEAALY?

Please, before you make more bad global warming jokes that do little more than underscore your devotion to the anti-science agenda of right-wing conservatives, please, PLEASE educate yourself.

Consolidation craziness

Ever since moving out here my husband has been busily consolidating our belongings, particularly in the kitchen (it being probably the most crowded room in our house). We both enjoy cooking, so it's not really a surprise that we both have expansive collections of kitchen utensils, pots and pans, and spices. Most of our spices were combined in a single, fragrant evening, and our pots and pans and utensils are either sharing space, or waiting for the next yard sale. Between the two of us we also had three rolls of aluminum foil. I'm not sure why two of us had three rolls of aluminum foil. The consolidation bug took hold of Derrick and he decided to try turning those three rolls into a single roll, producing this:


Fortunately, he hasn't figured out yet that glad wrap and saran wrap are really the same thing.

I in ur sonnet, doin ur ritin

4w3s0m3.