This morning I left before my daughter woke up. Then, I came home after my daughter went to bed. In between I had a wonderful day doing lab work--doing something that makes me feel fulfilled and happy in a way few other things do.
Which is probably why I'm so anxious about moving to San Diego. I won't have a job there, unless I happen to get a grant (a grant I haven't applied for, or even really started writing yet). Even if I do get a grant, there will be some months in there where I won't have a job and won't have a babysitter even if there's work I'd like to do. Whatever happens, moving to San Diego is going to mean giving up academics for a while, and particularly giving up lab work. I'm sad about that.