Memorial day

Since it's memorial day, Derrick decided to invite his Chinese and Indian friends over to celebrate this American holiday. Of course, being Americans, our festivities involved a lot of meat.

Too much meat, it turned out.

You see, several of the adults present are vegetarians. They, being experienced cooks and eaters, brought food they would like, and enough to share. So, we had tons and tons of delicious veggies (which I gorged myself on) and more than enough sausages for the carnivorous hordes roaming through our diminutive apartment.

I must say, I had a blast. I love hanging out with Derrick's academic friends, even if I'm not really a part of the academic crowd anymore. And we won't have to cook for days! The food was great, and everyone was appreciative of all the hard work everyone put into the dinner.

Sadly, it's one of the last chances we'll have to hang out with a couple of the families we invited since one couple is moving to Illinois and the other family is moving back to China. It's wonderful to see friends getting jobs, though; brings me hope that Derrick will too, someday.

Willpower

Paul slept for two hours today, which gave me lots of time to finally catch up on all the stuff I've missed on facebook, a.k.a.--goof off on the internet. Yeah, I had the chance to have a nice productive morning and goofed off instead. I'm sure that doesn't sound at all like me. In my defense, the one time I did try to get up to do something, Paul woke up, forcing me to sit and hold his precious little body until he drifted off to sleep again. I know someday I'm not going to be able to hold him this way, and so I indulge my gluttonous self, eating up every little moment of time he's curled up next to me. It doesn't hurt that when he wakes up and I'm next to him he smiles so brightly it outshines the sun for a moment and pierces my heart with its loveliness. He is such a sweet, lovely baby, but he's loosing his babyness, becoming more of a toddler with his straight, strong legs and back. The way he moves, the way he stands, a proud bouncing sumo, the days of his babyhood are rapidly draining away.

First step

This morning, while standing next to me as I ate breakfast (since sitting in his highchair was just unacceptable this morning) Paul took a step. I'm not sure he realized he'd done it; it took me a few seconds to realize myself what he'd done. Friday Derrick discovered a third tooth in Paul's mouth. Not terribly surprising, since he was completely coated in slobber much of the day. Happily, teething didn't upset him much. He's been the same happy kid, if a little more interested chewing on things, in spite of the tooth coming in. Sigh. He's growing up way too fast.

happy mom, happy day

It's mother's day, which is nice. Derrick let me sleep for an extra hour AND made breakfast. Church wasn't TOO cringe-inducing. The talks by women were very good, very real tributes to the challenges, the rewards, and the lessons of motherhood. The one young man who spoke (who is a highscool senior, so I can cut him a little slack) repeated the "women are naturally nurturing, sacrificing, so wonderful don't they just deserve to spend all their days on this lovely pedestal?" idea that I find irritating.

It's not me. I'm not a wonderfully nurturing, sacrificing, sweet mother. I get mad at my kids, I'm not all that patient, sometimes I reinforce my irritation with a spank or a slap on the hand. If this is nurturing, if this constant repetition of the same lessons every day (don't body slam your brother; hard things aren't for throwing; we have to wear clothes to the table; you have to wash your hands after going potty, and don't scratch your bum!; etc.), if this is what they mean when they describe us women and our especially caring natures, yeah, it just sucks. Most of the time I feel like I'm doing battle with my kids, not loving and nurturing them.

It's annoying repeating the same lessons, over and over. It's irritating dealing with whiny, selfish kids. A lot of the time I hate it. I just want my kids to grow up and act mature, even though I know the only way to get there is time and (mostly my) good example. (Which also sucks. I hate being the good example when I really don't feel like a good example, or even trying anymore to be the good example). I hate giving up so much of myself ALL THE TIME just so everyone else can live the lives they want. I hate that my life revolves around the needs of others almost every hour of every day, and the only thing they can think of to do in commemoration of that is give me one stupid day a year and a patronizing guilt trip about how wonderful I'm supposed to be.