Sunday, May 13, 2012

happy mom, happy day

It's mother's day, which is nice. Derrick let me sleep for an extra hour AND made breakfast. Church wasn't TOO cringe-inducing. The talks by women were very good, very real tributes to the challenges, the rewards, and the lessons of motherhood. The one young man who spoke (who is a highscool senior, so I can cut him a little slack) repeated the "women are naturally nurturing, sacrificing, so wonderful don't they just deserve to spend all their days on this lovely pedestal?" idea that I find irritating.

It's not me. I'm not a wonderfully nurturing, sacrificing, sweet mother. I get mad at my kids, I'm not all that patient, sometimes I reinforce my irritation with a spank or a slap on the hand. If this is nurturing, if this constant repetition of the same lessons every day (don't body slam your brother; hard things aren't for throwing; we have to wear clothes to the table; you have to wash your hands after going potty, and don't scratch your bum!; etc.), if this is what they mean when they describe us women and our especially caring natures, yeah, it just sucks. Most of the time I feel like I'm doing battle with my kids, not loving and nurturing them.

It's annoying repeating the same lessons, over and over. It's irritating dealing with whiny, selfish kids. A lot of the time I hate it. I just want my kids to grow up and act mature, even though I know the only way to get there is time and (mostly my) good example. (Which also sucks. I hate being the good example when I really don't feel like a good example, or even trying anymore to be the good example). I hate giving up so much of myself ALL THE TIME just so everyone else can live the lives they want. I hate that my life revolves around the needs of others almost every hour of every day, and the only thing they can think of to do in commemoration of that is give me one stupid day a year and a patronizing guilt trip about how wonderful I'm supposed to be.

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