Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bad dream

Last night I had a bad dream. Usually a bad dream (for me anyway) is about me being chased or attacked, or frightened in some way. Not this one. In this one I was angry, unreasonably angry, at Derrick because I felt like he wasn't contributing enough around the house and with childcare and whatnot. Since I was angry, since when I'm angry I throw things, I threw a dirty diaper at him. Mind you, this is all a dream. I have never thrown a dirty diaper at my husband. I have gotten unreasonably angry at him for not helping around the house enough, but I have never thrown anything at him, especially nothing so gross. Anyway, in the dream he got mad (of course) and got me back with the diaper, and then we went through a separation that was lonely and sad, and then I woke up.

I'm not one to read too much into dreams. I had a dream a while ago about Mitt Romney having affairs with beautiful women. Do I think Mitt Romney is an adulterer in my subconscious mind? No, but I do think he is easily wooed away from eternal principles by flashy, worldly desires.

This one's hitting something very true, though. I do get too mad, and I do make bad decisions with regard to the feelings of others when I get angry. Usually I can make the decision to not throw the diaper (figuratively and literally), but sometimes I have a hard time refraining, and sometimes I fail and let it fly. There's a solid enough base to all my relationships that nothing I've said or done so far has hurt those relationships permanently, but I think this dream is my anxiety over my actions and feelings coming out. The only thing I can really do is strive to do better.

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